I Hope You Fail

 

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YOU: “What did she just say?”

ME: “Hear me out, because it all stems from a place of concern and love for you, your emotional and giddy New Year’s Resolutional state, and your Pinterest board labeled -Baby Got Back-2019 Fitspiration.”

As the New Year approaches and resolutions are flying through your head like your toddler flying through the house after hearing the chip bag being opened, you’re wondering what your NEW ME will look like this year. Which goal are you going to conquer as the NEW YOU juts out your Wonder Woman bosom with a diaper in one hand and a barbell in the other and scream “DIE, BABY SHARK!!” You’re scavenging your mind in hopes to find the perfect plan of action for a more self confident, patient, organized and stronger version of yo-bad-self.

My biggest hope in all of this life changing glory my friend, is that you fail.

I’m talkin’ face in the dirt, cry your heart out, throat punched by a kangaroo, titty twister until your nipple falls off… FAIL!

So let’s get started, shall we?

Continue reading “I Hope You Fail”

The Rise of Generation Sufferist

In comparison to Mother Earth, the days of Survive or Die a slow and painful saber-tooth mauling death are not too far behind us. The suffering that our Paleolithweightic Ancestors endured would be considered barbaric and savagely crude if implemented in our current life- Hunger Games style. However, when looking at this picture a little closer, we still embody similar characteristics from our Primal family. In fact, they passed down some pretty gnarly survival traits to us that we are blindingly unaware of. Thanks for the heads up, Ancestry.com.

So let’s jump into the story time-time traveling machine. Continue reading “The Rise of Generation Sufferist”